What Your Drink Order Says About You, According to Bartenders

Your favorite cocktail isn’t just a delicious refreshment; it’s also a tell. While no good bartender would ever deny someone a cocktail or discriminate against guests based on their choices, he or she can’t help but draw some conclusions about customers based on their orders. So next time you go to order a drink, know that you’re making a certain kind of impression—and tip generously if it’s a Ramos Gin Fizz. Here, what your drink order says about you, according to bartenders.

Vodka Martini
“Vodka Martinis are for highly successful, highly functional alcoholics.” — David Bumba, Yuzu, Lakewood, OH

“‘I like to stay classy. Wait whoa?!? This doesn’t taste right. What kind of Martinis do you have? I wanted, like, a Lemon Drop you know?’” — Morrison Nicols, No Vacancy, Los Angeles

“You like what you like and ‘who cares what that smug bartender thinks? He can piss off.’” Steven Robbins, Half Step, Austin, TX

“A Vodka Martini tells me a customer wants to appear elegant, but doesn’t want to repeat his or her quite unfortunate ‘Gincident.’” — Vikram Hedge, Little Donkey, Cambridge MA

“I know all you want is cold vodka. No vermouth, maybe an olive. You just want to get drunk and you don’t want it to taste like anything.” — Justin Garcidiaz, Aviary, Portland, OR

“You want what you want, how you want it. You are challenging and appreciative. You’re willing to be let down many times so that you can be enchanted by your favorite things in their perfect form.” — Brandy Feit, Headwaters, Portland, OR

“You own several volumes of Presidential Biographies by Arthur M Schlesinger Jr. You feel that Andrew Jackson has been unfairly maligned.” — Drew Record, Mister Jiu’s, San Francisco, CA

by LAURA REILLY

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